I’m missing my little people right now. I am in America with Bethany, our youngest, while the rest of the family is still in Indonesia. I am here for two weeks. It was an impromptu trip — in fact, a week ago I didn’t even know I was coming! It all happened so fast, and I am so very thankful.
You see, my mind and heart have been racing. Thoughts, ideas, dreams, and stirrings have left me a bit overwhelmed. They are all good things, but fear and uncertainty and a little more fear have been weighing me down. And so we decided that I would return to the States for a few weeks. Stepping back from normal life. Stepping back so that I can step forward.
My calling and longing for motherhood burn deep within me. I struggle to put words to what God has kindled in my soul. I want to be wholeheartedly devoted to my calling as a mother and to encourage others to do the same. And I am now at a point when my prayer is simply, “God, you have called. Here I am. What is it, exactly, that you want me to do?” In the fun and craziness that is “living overseas as a homeschooling mama to 5 kids aged 8 and under” there is not much time (or energy) for deep thought, concentrated prayer, and listening intently for that still, small voice. And so here I am, missing my little ones in the hopes that the time away will begin new steps of more intentional motherhood, more focused devotion, more clarity of thought and vision.
Sometimes, you just have to step back if you want to step forward.