This time is hard for me. It's the waiting.
Waiting for our little guy to arrive. Waiting on bits and pieces of needed information to make decisions. Waiting on God's provision. Waiting for warmer weather. Waiting for confirmation. Waiting to feel myself again. Waiting for to-do lists to come to an end. Waiting to go home to Asia. Waiting. Lots and lots of waiting.
I've never been very good at it. It took me a long time to understand my struggle, but I finally realized it is just another disguised form of selfishness. I want to be in control. I want to know. I want to have all the information so I can make the decisions. I want what I want and I don't want to wait. And even though I know that often the best things come after a season of waiting, I still kick and scream inside my soul saying, "I want it now!"
But I am trying. I am trying to wait in patience and in God's strength. I am trying to seek the lessons that crawling time has to offer me. I am trying to soak in the last few weeks of my baby girl still feeling like a baby because I know that when her little brother arrives she will look so big. I am trying to seek wisdom to make decisions without all of the pieces of the puzzle available to me. I am trying to trust that God knows what we need and what is best and that no amount of worrying on my part will bring God's will to pass. Trying to accept help and compassion from my family and friends when my pride wants to prove that I can do everything myself. Trying to accept love and friendship from new friends and trying to ask for help when I need it.
If there was no waiting, there would be no learning. No stretching. No growth in character. And so today, I choose to count it all joy. To see the beauty in the turning of the clock and the calendar. Each moment is a choice and today I choose joy. I choose my children. I choose to learn and be stretched. I choose to quiet my soul before the Lord and listen for His still small voice.
If the Lord Jehovah makes us wait, let us do so with our whole hearts; for blessed are all they that wait for Him. He is worth waiting for. The waiting itself is beneficial to us: it tries faith, exercises patience, trains submission, and endears the blessing when it comes. The Lord’s people have always been a waiting people- Charles Spurgeon