I’m headed out for a few days with my sweet Caleb. We’re going to Singapore for a long awaited, much needed full psycho-educational assessment. We’re doing all we know how to help Caleb be all that God created him to be. I love this kid.
This is a repost of something I wrote back in December 2010. This is where we are..still loving our triangle boy!
THE BEST TRIANGLE
(originally published December 2010)
I’ve learned something about myself in the last few years:
I need to process out loud.
I freely admit that my mind never stops going — I am always thinking, dreaming, planning, praying, hoping, wishing, and more. I wish I had the magical male ability to just “turn it off.” I don’t…my mind is always spinning.
However, I have come to realize that my best thinking and processing comes when I do it out loud. I often find when I am talking to someone that words just spill out and I think, “Wow, that is exactly how I feel. I didn’t really even know it before now!” Or, “Finally…words that express what I have been thinking.” I often find that when I am trying to explain something — out loud — to someone, that it makes much more sense than it does rolling around in my noggin. For some reason, my truest thoughts and feeling come out when I am talking. I WISH I could process just as well within the confines of my own mind, but I can’t. My lightbulb moments happen as the words flow out of my mouth.
I had one of these moments the other day as I sat chatting with a new friend. We were talking about things like marriage, kids, parenting, pride, and more. We got onto the topic of loving and believing in our kids, and something that I am very passionate about finally found words.
I said something like this:
“As a parent, we often have dreams for our kids. We have things we would like them to be, people we want them to become, goals we hope to see them realize. But kids don’t always come out the way we had planned. But that is okay, they come out JUST as God created them to be. Our job as parents is NOT to make them fit the mold we have designed for them, but rather help them be the best fit for the mold that GOD made for them.”
I then went on to say,
“For example, perhaps as a parent we are squares. We dream of having square children. And then, much to our surprise, out pops a triangle. Now, we have two choices. Our first choice is to spend our life trying to make this triangle into a square. We can push, pull, prod, probe, and poke, all in an effort to make a square out of something that is clearly NOT a square. We can do this, but I fear we will never succeed, and in the process we will bring a lot of pain and pressure to ourselves and our triangle child. Our second choice is to help this triangle child be the very BEST triangle that he/she can be. We may have a few rough edges to smooth out, we may have to watch for this triangle himself trying to become a square, and we might have to give up a few of our square-shaped dreams, but we as parents can make this triangle shine! If God created our child(ren) to be triangles, why oh why would we try to make them into a square? We need to believe — and then teach — our triangle child that God created her to be a triangle and so being a triangle is the BEST thing that she can do.”
As I was talking to my friend, I couldn’t help but think of my own childhood. I definitely feel like I was a triangle kid who was put into a square mold. People could tell I didn’t fit and I always knew I didn’t fit. I thought I was an ugly square instead of realizing I was a beautiful triangle. It has taken me well into my adult years to realize my true shape and to celebrate the way God created me. I have rough edges, I sometimes try to remold myself into something I am not, and sometimes I even envy squares. But in the end, I rejoice in how my triangle shape was knit together in my mother’s womb.
I also couldn’t help but think of my triangle son, Caleb. I love this kid so much. He actually reminds me a lot of me and so I think I have a special soft spot for him. He is definitely NOT a square kid. He marches to the tune of his own drummer. He struggles in areas that other kids – “normal” kids — soar in. However, he soars in areas that most kids never even see. He struggles with reading and writing, he can be very socially unaware, he still has speech struggles, he is obsessive and compulsive, he is impatient, and he has a very strange love affair with office supplies. But he is also obedient and smart and incredibly creative and pensive and sensitive and loving and deep. I have never seen a kid with a heart as big as his. Every day he asks me how my baby is doing and at prayer time always asks to pray that the baby is doing good. He makes “I love you cards” for people EVERY day. He creates the most amazing cat houses and toys for the cats and he is probably the only kid who has ever made a dumbbell set for his stuffed elephant. I love the way his mind works and the creative things he comes up with. He may not be a square, but I LOVE my triangle kid!
I can’t wait to see what God does with Caleb (and all the other triangle kids out there). I will not waste my time trying to make him a square. He is a beautiful, bright, shiny, and amazing triangle and I wouldn’t have it any other way.