A few weeks ago, Jason met with a pastor of a local church, sharing about our Wycliffe ministry. As they talked, Jason learned that the pastor, heading up two different churches in the area, had taken part in learning about soul care. He asked Jason the question, “How is your soul?”
Jason and I chuckled a bit, not so much about the question, but the silence that I am sure followed. It’s not an inquiry most people expect. Never one to let a question go unanswered, the immediate response in my heart was, “It is well with my soul.”
It was a clarifying moment. In all the struggles of the last few months, from the overwhelming wave of depression (which thankfully receded to just a high tide), to the almost-two-month-strong headache, to the super-mom cape coming off as a counselor uses words like “burnout” and to the constant reminder that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, I can honestly say that it has been well with my soul.
There hasn’t been any, “Why, God?” moments (other than in regards to the far too early death of a friend and former coworker who left behind three precious little ones). There hasn’t been any questioning of why God has allowed this wave to come. There hasn’t been a pulling away from God, an avoidance of Him or His Word. Quite the contrary, really. My Bible time has remained precious to me and He has been quietly filling my soul with sweet whispers of grace and goodness.
It is well with my soul.
I still don’t feel like myself. I still struggle to concentrate. I still deal with a headache that refuses to give in. I still haven’t picked up my camera since a wedding at the beginning of the month. I still hear my sweet little six-year-old pray, “Please let mommy get better.” I still wonder where my creative and passionate spirit has gone and I wonder if it will come back. But even with all of that, I still know my God is near. It is still well with my soul.