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Love Letters to My Children {no. 4}: Why We Celebrate (part 2)

Love Letters | Celebrate2

 

In Part One of this letter to my children, I explain the first three reasons we make a big deal out of celebrations. I encourage you to read the post, as it also talks about the things that aren’t the reason we celebrate (no matter how good they are.)

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TO RECAP:

We choose to celebrate (especially birthdays) because:

OUR GOD IS A GOD OF CELEBRATION

YOU {the kids} BRING JOY TO OUR HOME

THE FRUIT OF THE WOMB IS A REWARD

 

And now for the rest of the letter…

YOUR DAYS WERE ORDAINED BY GOD

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For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
PSALM 139:13-16 (emphasis mine)

Before the world was created, God knew you. He loved you, imagined you, and took great delight in you. Before you were conceived, God wrote in His book every day that you will live on the earth. Not one day too short, not one day too long. Each and every day of your life will serve a purpose, and when you fulfill your purpose in this generation (Acts 13:36), you will then pass away.©janetphillips_may2_2015_web-14

Until then, however, we choose to celebrate. Although it is my hope and prayer that you feel loved and celebrated every day of your life, we take one day each year to especially celebrate you. We celebrate because the day was ordained by God. By His will and His will alone, you reach another milestone in another year. You have had breath and life for another 365 days. We must celebrate God’s goodness—His goodness to you (in giving you life) and His goodness to us (in letting us have another year with you!)

WE LOVE YOUR UNIQUE PERSONALITY©janetphillips_april17_2015-98 copy

With all eight of our birthdays in a three month stretch (seven of those being in just an eight week stretch!), it would be easy to just combine some of the celebrations. Why go through all the trouble of decorating eight times, shopping for and wrapping gifts eight times, making 24 separate birthday meals (three for each birthday)? Why not just throw it all together and have one big celebration?

katie

You are not a group, you are special and separate individuals. We do many things as a family, but we choose not to combine birthdays because we want to celebrate you and your unique personality. Each of you adds something incredibly special to our family. You are all so different and yet all so amazing. By giving you your own day, we are free to focus on and truly celebrate who YOU are. We don’t just do what is easy or convenient for us (because I can promise you, doing eight birthdays, all with special food and decorations, is anything but easy or convenient!) Instead, we do what we believe will make you feel loved and delighted in.

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We let you choose colors and gifts and food and activities (and pay little attention as to whether the food is healthy or not!) We choose decorations and presents that represent you during a particular year (even if it means buying dog bowls for our “puppy” girl). We want you to know how amazing YOU are and how thrilled we are and that your special personality, with all its blessings, quirks, and flaws, is worth a celebration all its own.

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WE DON’T BUY GIFTS THROUGHOUT THE YEAR

Perhaps this reason sounds strange, but it is a big part of why we do what we do. We made a choice long ago that we would not spoil you, we would not give into your every whim and want, and we would not buy you toys and treats whenever the urge (yours or ours!) struck. Partly out of conviction, and partly out of finances, we choose to not buy you gifts throughout the year. Of course we do special activities and I will buy you small treats like ice cream or a new shirt, but for the most part, you have to wait. I don’t come home from the store with new toys and I don’t let you ask me to buy you things when we go out.

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When kids learn that they can ask, whine, and demand their way to everything their little heart desires, the result is rude, demanding, and entitled children. We’ve seen it too many times. If we purchased gifts every time you saw something you wanted, either at a friend’s house or in a commercial (the few you see), you would be amassing your toy collection all year round. Instead, we choose to teach you the art of contentment and patience.

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Twice a year you receive gifts. Only two times in a year do you have the chance to write a list, sharing the things you would love to have. Now that you are getting older and have a bit of allowance, you are able to purchase a few things yourself, but for the most part you still just have to wait in order to receive the toys, clothes, and other special items you have been hoping for.

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Because this only happens twice a year (Christmas and your birthday), we choose to go big. We don’t spend much money on your throughout the year, enabling us to save more for these special occasions. We try to purchase most of the things on your lists (it helps that you all are always within reason!) Gifts are an act of love and we choose to shower you with that love on the days we celebrate you. Your patience and lack of entitlement deserve to be recognized and rewarded!

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WE WANT YOU TO CONTINUE TO LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NEEDS AND WANTS

This last point goes along with the point of above. On your birthday (and Christmas), we purchase and gift you with your wants. During the year, we purchase your needs.

Learning the difference between wants and needs is one of the greatest gifts we, as parents, can give you. Most children—and most adults—have never learned to discriminate between these two vastly different things.

Needs are items and opportunities necessary for your physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual growth. These are the things you need in order for you to healthfully grow and be good stewards of your body and appearance, your feelings and emotions, your mind and education, and your growth in your relationship with the Lord.

In case these categories confuse you, a few examples of needs:

Physical needs: Clothes, shoes, toiletries, haircuts, and other items needed to care for your appearance, always striving to be modest (a concept that means far more than most people understand…a topic for another day.) A not about clothes and shoes: We purchase these when and if you lack a necessary item and/or have grown out of things. These are not clothes you want in order to stay fashionable. However, if you do need an item of clothing, we try to purchase something you really like and will enjoy. Amy Carmichael, missionary to India and “mother” to hundreds of children, wrote her supporters and friends in England and said something along the lines of, “Don’t bother with sending ugly colors [of clothes]; there are too many beautiful colors in the world to bother with the ugly ones.” I agree wholeheartedly. We are frugal, but that doesn’t mean we have to buy clothes we hate. It is a joy to teach you, especially the girls, that you can be wise stewards of your money and purchase clothing that makes you feel good about yourself.

Emotional Needs: This one can be tricky, and I pray for wisdom and discernment regularly. I know that sometimes one of you needs just a little extra  something special. A trip out for coffee, a new shirt that you love (but don’t need), a new football. I choose to purchase these, though not very often, when I sense that one of you needs an extra display of love from me. It’s clear you don’t the items. Instead, I want you to see that I am giving them to you because of love, to show you how special you are to me. These are never things you ask for, rather things I choose to give. You’ve all known since you were little, if you go to the store and ask for things, it is guaranteed I won’t buy it.

Educational Needs: All items needed for your education, including notebooks, pens and bags, are purchased for you. We also occasionally purchase books or other things intended for learning. And as I said with clothing needs, as long as we are buying it, it might as well be something you love.

Spiritual Growth Needs: If there are items or experiences we see as valuable for your spiritual growth, we will purchase them. This includes Bibles, notebooks for church, activities with church or with our homeschool co-op. We will also occasionally purchase music on iTunes. We take you events, including concerts.

In short, we choose to celebrate because God delights in you and so do we. May you always feel loved, valued, and celebrated.

Love Letters to My Children {no. 4}: Why We Celebrate (pt. 1)

Love Letters | Celebrate

We are smack dab in the middle of birthday season. With eight birthdays in three months (with seven in eight weeks!), we stay very busy this time of year. I spend many days cooking and shopping and decorating and cleaning up. I am sure I could make all of this much more simple; I choose not to. As exhausting as it can be (and I’m sorry, poor Caleb, for always being last in the birthday line up. I really do try to save some energy and creativity for your big day!), I continue on each year, making birthdays a really big deal.

March 22

I don’t do it because I love to cook (which I do.) I don’t do it because I love to decorate (which I do.) I don’t even do it because I want to make you happy (which I do.)©janetphillips_march6_2015_web-5

No, I make a big deal of birthdays for other reasons.

These love letters are being written so you know not only the whats of our family (which are recorded in our photo albums and scrapbook pages,) but also the whys. Most everything we do as a family has and intention behind it. For some things, of course, the intention is simply to have fun and be together. God has given us all things to enjoy! However, the majority of our decisions, activities, and purchases, are based on deeper reasons and rationales. I want you to know these, both so you can learn more of the heart of your mom and dad but also because even now, I want you to start thinking of your own future families. Great things don’t come without a plan and purpose. If you want a strong family, you can’t just show up and expect it to happen. Even with the best plans, no one can guarantee a great outcome (Proverbs 16:9). Without a plan and a purpose, though, the road to anywhere will be much more arduous.©janetphillips_march17_2015-30

So, kids, I want to share with you the reasons we celebrate. I’ll be focusing mostly on birthdays, but some of these reasons span to other holidays. I’ll give the first few today and the others will follow on another day. This subject is far too vast for one entry!

“We reveal to ourselves and others what is important to us by the way we celebrate.” — Nöel Piper

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[One note for both my blog readers and my children: I am sharing about why we celebrate. In that, of course, some of how we celebrate will also be shared. Please keep in mind the difference between saying celebration is important and saying celebrating in this specific way is important. Like most things, I celebrate in ways that are in line with my personality, skills, and interests. Your method of celebration might look much different.]

OUR GOD IS A GOD OF CELEBRATION©janetphillips_march23_web-36

You shall celebrate it as a feast to the LORD for seven days in the year. It is a statute forever throughout your generations; you shall celebrate it in the seventh month.” — Leviticus 23:41

It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.” — Luke 15:32

“Behold, on the mountains the feet of him who brings good news, Who announces peace! Celebrate your feasts, O Judah; Pay your vows. For never again will the wicked one pass through you; He is cut off completely.” — Nahum 1:15Katie2

Over and over again through Scripture, God commands celebration as an act of joy and remembrance. He knows we—as mere humans—far too easily forget the good things He has done for us. Celebration causes us to set aside our current reality and focus specifically on God’s goodness to us in the past. When we consider all the ways He has cared for and blessed us, our hearts and minds are fortified with faith that He will continue in that care and blessing.

“Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.”  1 Samuel 12:24

©janetphillips_march23_2014_web-97Not only does God declare our duty to celebrate, He also reminds us through many Psalms and sermons of the New Testament that we are to verbally remind ourselves and our families of the specific ways He has worked on our behalf. This is why we love to reminisce with you about your birth and the years we have spent with you.

When we celebrate your birthdays with gusto, we are following the advice of the Lord to honor and remember our special and extraordinary days. Of course, every day is worthy of celebration (Psalm 118:24), but a day of commemoration is the be marked with special rites and traditions.

YOU BRING JOY TO OUR HOME©janetphillips_march23_2013_web-33

From the day of your birth, you have brought us joy.

PTS | Why We Celebrate

Celebrating your birthday is a way to visibly and verbally affirm the joy you bring to us. Although we make known to you on a regular basis that we love you and see amazing qualities in you, we want to take your birthday to especially celebrate you. We want you to know you are loved, honored, wanted, and treasured and that you are a special and integral part of our family.

THE FRUIT OF THE WOMB IS A REWARD

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” Psalm 127:3

When we celebrate the day of your birth, we are praising and worshiping God.

We recognize you are a gift from God to us. He has given us the honor of being stewards of your hearts and minds and to visibly and tangibly represent the love of Christ. We choose to recognize and show our gleeful appreciation of the gift you are. And we give you gifts because He first gave us the gift of you. ©janetphillips_march17_2016_web-83
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Part 2 to come another day…

FIVE

Each new child brings much more than another body into the home.  A new child means an addition (and shift) in relationships. Welcoming a new baby into our family will mean welcoming seven new two-person relationships as well as a myriad of other multi-person relationships.  It is a beautiful thing to watch.  I have so enjoyed seeing our family dynamics shift over the last two years as Bethany has integrated herself into our life. There is such wonder and beauty in watching how a new little one fits into the picture.  I love seeing the relationships grow and develop. I love seeing the love the kids have for one another and the personalities that emerge as individuals and as a group. I have said it many times: my very favorite part of parenting is watching (and intentionally developing) sibling relationships.  It is beautiful. It is work.  It is so, so worth it.

When we announced that we were expecting number six, someone commented about “that poor youngest kid who will always get picked on.” As a non-confrontational person, I usually just bite my tongue and let people think what they would like.  In this instance, however, the mama bear in me came out and I tried to calmly explain that we do things differently around here.  There is no “picking on” the younger kids.  There is no name calling. There is no teasing.  There is no ganging up against one another. There is no laughing at each other’s faults and quirks. It isn’t that we don’t have fun, because we do, but we refuse to do it at the expense of others.  We have zero tolerance for it.  Instead, we teach and model how to love one another, how to verbally affirm one another, how to serve one another, and how to see the unique ways that we were each created.  We have our sibling spats and we have siblings who would like to be in charge and siblings that get on each other’s nerves— we are far from perfect! — but we are working to create a home environment where everyone feels loved, everyone feels valued, and everyone realizes and understands that their uniqueness makes them a special and valuable member of our family.

And so, as we look to welcoming a new life and a new personality into our family, I wanted to take some time to celebrate our family for what it has been these last two years (Bethany turned two yesterday!) Lord willing, I will only be a mama to five for another week or so. And so I stop now to thank the Lord for the blessing of five.  It’s been amazing.


Number six…we’re ready for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Family Photos

In the middle of July, we had the pleasure of having family photos taken by my sister Sally of Sally Kate Photography.


It was an extra special evening because I found out earlier that morning that we were expecting blessing number six!  Since we already had photos schedule for that evening, I waited until then to tell Jason the good news.

 

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